Dominique Perrin sharing her experience training at the Yuntai Mountain School in China.
An inner journey to the heart of being
How to find the path to strength and self-confidence
For the second time in less than a year, I was heading to China and walking through the door of the International School of Culture and Martial Arts of Yuntai Shan, located in the heart of an imposing mountain range in the Henan province.
The first experience I had in this place nourished me immensely. When I left the school last July, I knew deep down that I would return soon. It was a given, a certainty!
Life sometimes reserves beautiful surprises for those who are ready to receive them! One must have faith, stay positive, and remain active, no matter the trials one encounters along the way. I am 59 years old, and when I think about the years gone by, I am infinitely grateful for everything life has given me: much joy, beautiful encounters, enriching experiences, love, sincere friendships, countless discoveries… everything that has made me who I am today.
The challenges have also helped me grow; they have made me stronger, more understanding, more confident, more subtle, and wiser. In this short account, I would like to share my experience with this “little gray pebble” that slipped into the gears of my life a few years ago. The one that made me meet Yuntai…
In March 2019, while I was going through a turbulent period following a move and a change in my professional setting, I was stressed and worried. I felt great fatigue and experienced recurring symptoms of physical weakness: tightness, joint pain, discomfort, and slowness in my movements, mainly on my left side. I was given a series of tests and underwent a DATSCAN to investigate further into the neurological field.
The results of this examination revealed a loss of the dopaminergic pre-synaptic pathway, more pronounced on the right side of my brain, and the diagnosis of Parkinson’s disease was made. When I heard this, I felt a shock similar to a thunderbolt that freezes the heart and stills the blood.
My knowledge of this disease was limited to the representations stored in the collective memory: terrible images accompanied by the equally un reassuring label of degenerative disease; the road to hell! Fear, anxiety, darkness, cold, isolation, tremors, immobility… That’s what awaited me!
Fortunately, that day I was not alone: my husband was by my side, a solid pillar. It was he who found the first words of consolation and encouragement. He was right: I would soon receive help and valuable support from my loved ones and a remarkable team of expert caregivers. My daughter is the second pillar that allows me to stand today. She had her hopeful words, which rekindled the little warmth in my chest: “Mom, don’t be afraid; your body is just your shell; it’s affected, but inside, you are still the same.”
That day I understood that I was still alive and that a light still shone deep within me. All was not lost, and I would soon begin to move in search of that light, to nourish it and help it grow.
With the diagnosis in place, I was referred by my doctor to the Parkinson’s Expert Center at the Toulouse University Hospital, a leading institution in research on this field in France. The first visit was dedicated to the announcement of the disease. The doctor who received me showed a lot of pedagogical skill and provided me with very detailed information, answering each of my many questions: the origin, possible causes, progression, symptoms, treatment and its side effects, the progress of research, possible aids, etc.
Following this first visit, I began a treatment consisting of daily doses of antiparkinsonian tablets. My health status stagnated without any real improvement. However, the support that was gradually set in place was a precious help in preventing me from losing my footing. I had regular appointments at the CHU of Toulouse, initially every month, then every three months once the treatment was stabilized, and for the past three years, the visits have taken place every six months.
For the past six years, Professor Brefel-Courbon and his team have helped me live and move forward with Parkinson’s, and today, I am doing well. I lead an entirely ordinary life, and I enjoy engaging in many activities. I remain active physically, mentally, and spiritually; in a word, I am alive. Here’s how I have managed to evolve positively with the disease.
The first two years were quite difficult because I was still working: I was in charge of managing a kindergarten and a small class. During the pandemic period, the situation became even more complicated. I had to take on many responsibilities, and I had to be very reactive and efficient to meet the health requirements while maintaining a climate of trust within the educational community. However, my involvement in the school greatly contributed to restoring my confidence. By managing an establishment with over 200 students and a team of 14 professionals, I proved to myself that I was still capable of leading a professional project. However, it took me a while to talk about my illness outside of the private medical sphere and my close family circle. I could not accept the idea of no longer being the same; I was almost ashamed of myself. I felt that by revealing my illness, the way people around me, with whom I interacted daily, would look at me would change, and I would become vulnerable, fragile, less credible because less strong.
It was at that moment that Dr. Brefel suggested I join the therapeutic education program offered at the Parkinson’s Expert Center at the University Hospital of Toulouse. This program provides a range of treatments tailored to the needs of the patients. In my case, a targeted interview focusing on my needs and an assessment of my posture were conducted by the doctor and a psychologist. I mentioned the central aspect of my personality: the need to understand in order to master situations and the refusal to be passive in the face of my illness. I needed to actively participate in the treatment. In May 2021, the professor then proposed that I join an active research protocol in sociology dealing with Parkinson’s disease, a Franco-Canadian qualitative study based on life stories to better understand the needs of people with this disease. This study greatly contributed to the reconstruction of my life project. The materials provided to self-assess my life journey since the onset of the disease, private interviews with the researchers, feedback, and the synthesis conducted at the end of the research allowed me to analyze the situation objectively and opened the door to many possibilities. At the same time, therapeutic education sessions led by a trained nurse in hypnotherapy techniques were implemented. A relationship of trust quickly developed between her and me, and I still seek her valuable advice today when facing a difficult situation.
Testimonial following the implementation of the therapeutic support at the Parkinson’s Expert Center at the University Hospital of Toulouse:
“The excellent listening posture of the accompanying nurse allows for the liberation of speech. I express what I feel, my emotions; this helps me to navigate with the disease, accepting the changes that have occurred in my life. I regain confidence, and this allows me to project myself again. Furthermore, the advice given with accuracy and kindness helps me adapt my lifestyle. It’s a precious help, a very beautiful program, a personalized project. THANK YOU!” – MARCH 2022
Since then, I have participated in other equally interesting research protocols: my involvement in university studies has become part of my therapeutic process. In general, active participation within the teams, the contacts, and exchanges with the researchers help me better understand myself; by better understanding my feelings, I am more able to adjust my posture.
These programs helped me to open up, and I was able to start talking about my illness outside of the private sphere. I was then surprised by the astonishment of those who discovered my health condition, as many thought that this disease didn’t allow a person to live normally. Gradually, the way I saw myself began to change.
I became aware of the prominent role I played in the therapeutic treatment. Parkinson’s is a part of me, and rather than fighting it, pushing it away, I had to find a way to channel it, integrate it, absorb it. I had to find the path to unity. “Always stay in motion.” This was the precious advice a doctor gave me before the diagnosis was even confirmed…
“Always stay in motion.” A phrase I recite like a mantra to remind myself how important it is to take time to listen to oneself, not selfishly, but out of respect for what life has given us, which is so precious. We have the duty to take care of our body as well as our mind. Staying in motion means moving physically but also rising, feeding oneself intellectually and spiritually. A break, a significant event, is often necessary to provoke this awareness: staying in motion, walking through life is not about rushing with a closed mind. It is about cultivating the ability to question oneself, to project oneself, to marvel, to be interested in others and in what surrounds us, to be able to shift perspectives and see and hear from different angles, to open one’s heart to oneself and to others to better understand.
“Always stay in motion.” A phrase at the heart of my quest that slowly led me to the road to Yuntai Shan.
The challenges posed by the disease are manifold: first and foremost, it is important to stay physically in motion and restore balance, fluidity, lightness, and grace to one’s movements. But it is also necessary to maintain and develop one’s intellectual and spiritual abilities. My approach consists of exploring the areas I practice with pleasure, which contribute to my fulfillment: artistic activities, cultural exchanges, and meditation. I practice daily three complementary, inseparable disciplines: music, meditation, and qigong.
Music has always been with me. As a child, it was present in the house through popular songs we hummed together, records I played in loops, TV and radio shows. I remember my first cassette player, the electronic organ my brother gave me for Christmas, my first guitar… As a young adult, the world of “classical” music opened up to me like a never-ending source to drink from… Since then, music has become a focus of concentration, reflection, research, work, and endurance. It nourishes me, inspires me, brings me happiness. It offers me the privilege of participating in collective artistic creations and sharing this pleasure with others, regardless of their origins or beliefs, because music is the universal language that speaks to the heart. It is goodness, it is beauty. It allows us to be moved and let tears of happiness fall from our eyes. Music comes from life, and humanity is capable of creating such beautiful things: the language of the soul, the symbiotic vibration of hearts, the breath of lives, the construction of sound edifices, orchestrated masterpieces, ephemeral egregores. Through my daily practice of singing and my instrument, I am in motion, my body vibrates, my breath flows, my soul sings, and my mind remains awake.
I have been practicing Qi Gong and Tai Chi Quan for several years, and on a nearly daily basis since I stopped my professional activities three years ago.
Tai Chi Quan and Qi Gong are ancient practices from China. These internal arts embody a philosophy that establishes that the only path to wisdom lies in the harmony between man and nature. The holistic thinking accompanying Taoism teaches that a person must be natural, spontaneous, and not behave in a way that contradicts the natural laws. This is what the first monks called the principle of “acting without acting” (Wei wu wei).
Tai Chi Quan is a martial art that aims more to develop physical strength but also incorporates the principles of Qi Gong. Qi refers to vital energy. This term can also mean “air” or “breath.” From the management of the breath and the soft, circular movements of the body, one learns to direct the Qi to the Tan Tien, our “psychophysical” center, also called the “field of cinnabar.” Learning to feel the energy stored in the Tan Tien is a fundamental base in the practice of internal arts. It is said that Taoist alchemists used it to produce the elixir of immortality. Finally, the regular and mindful practice of Qi Gong allows one to better understand the origin of movement’s harmony. The Qi, through the breath, circulates inside the body via the energy meridians, one of the foundations of traditional Chinese medicine.
Gu Meisheng, in his work “The Path of Breath,” writes:
“Thus, through diligent and repeated practice of Qi Gong, one understands that when it comes to opening and closing, it is not parts of the body that open and close, but the breath; then, as one progresses in practice, one understands that it is not the breath that opens and closes, but the Yi, the inner image, the guide of the breath, which itself guides the body. Then, progressing further, one understands that this opening and closing do not come from the inner image, but from something even more subtle, this median void, necessary, says Laozi, for the wheel of a cart to turn, or for a jug to be useful.”
This practice, combined with meditation and traditional Chinese medicine (acupuncture), is the source of my physical and emotional balance. It helps me to refocus and better understand myself. I approach it as an art, in constant search of the breath, balance, and an aesthetic through the beauty that results from the precision and fluidity of movement.
I love walking in nature. I feel good there and find peace and balance. Often, I pick up a small stone or a seashell and hold it in the palm of my hand for a moment. I believe life scatters small pebbles along our path. It is up to each of us to know how to pick them up and make good use of them. Life placed a small seed on my path, which is part of me and has led me to Yuntai Shan International Culture and Martial Arts School. I never thought I could go so far alone, but I did it twice. My first stay allowed me to find my way back to my center. I regained strength and courage through the demanding practice of physical exercises, framed and supported. Currently, I am staying for the second time at Yuntai Shan. I continue to learn the philosophy of Qi Gong in context. I live it. Since my first stay, my quest has been taken into account, and with much tact and kindness, the knowledge related to this ancient practice is gradually revealed to me. I am infinitely grateful for that.
The practice of Qi Gong and Tai Chi Quan makes me feel that this vital energy is healing: reduction in muscle and joint pain, tremors, a more grounded posture, centering, better balance, better stress and emotion management, regained strength. Qi Gong, much more than just physical exercise, is connected to health, the mind, the spirit, and the meditative. When I practice, I am aware that my body in motion nourishes my mind, and my mind, by focusing on the movement, contributes to a better understanding of myself. But more than that, it is through this practice and the gradual acquisition of knowledge that I am slowly finding the way to healing.
